I brought my laptop into the bathroom so I can facebook while vomiting. New low?
guys i just found a dildo in the laundry room and its purple
whats a dildo? isnt that like a fancy piece of bread?
So shortly after drunk sex...she starts crying and saying..." you don't care about me, you never do anything nice for me" so I called her a cab
You drank almost the entire bottle of everclear and wanted to walk around. I guess your best friends sister is a cop and you wanted her to arrest you like the lil wayne song.... so sorry dude.
i'm in workout clothes. this is progress.
For future references, orgasms clear sinuses.
We can add pilot to the list of people who's lives I've changed...with my penis.
That reminds me of that one time you handcuffed me to a table leg while I was reaching for the vodka.
It's Friday afternoon and I'm drunk. This is how I cope.
I saw a groundgog last night outside my back door. I now have a new wedding gift idea.
Currently hiding in the shower from the RA and my elbow turns it on. Showers and Ciroc don't mix..
Did body shots with a guy... Ended up being the ref of my volleyball game... So that's why we won
A picture of a damn cupcake brought back 3 fuckboys
All I remember is being in the middle of the road puking and my bestfriend cheering me on from the passenger seat...
the raccoons are back...
Randomize
