i wish we had vans that drove around at night but insteand of ice cream and jolly tunes its taco bell and the macarena
Best morning ever. I saw a bum giving another bum a blowjob downtown.
We just saw him running from campus police a few minutes ago. So no, I don't think he's still passed out on the quad.
they told me they were banning four lokos so yeah i did have to buy 42 of them
I should probably just look up vagina pictures in the anatomy textbook. That always cheers me up.
At the end of the white elephant exchange, our professor had a big black dildo around her neck and I won a full body dinosaur suit. I could die tomorrow with no regrets.
I woke up this morning at 8 to my roommates still drunk, hanging out on the roof, and screaming at bikers. They couldn't figure out why they were into it.
My pants zipper is stuck halfway down. I have to interview an intern later. This day is gonna be amazing,
I'm eating Doritos at 9am because last nights weed is just now starting to wear off
My walk of shame wasn't complete until I projectile vomited clutching my truck bumper while he just smiled with that look of regret.
Stay positive! You think people like sad vaginas? NO! You'll get some!
I don't have the resources to adequately explain this. I need like a Powerpoint presentation and also Vodka.
So I had Xanax for breakfast & I'm probably going to fuck my tennis instructor.
I get dinner and bf perks from the one guy. But dick with no commitment from the other. I’m living my best life.
A guy I don't even know just ate me out on a washing machine at a random persons afterparty. I came as it was going through spin cycle.Just kept thinking "who does laundry during a party?"
Randomize
