we are at a mexican restaurant and the tv is playing mexican porn. dad won't stop watching.
Just saw a man being put through a dui test on the side of the road... it was noon and he was on a bicycle. God bless texas.
and then they started calling me 'Shitshow Shandra', which apparently i took as a compliment.
I just wanted to give you a heads up. There's a crab in the kitchen. He doesn't have a name yet. We are just calling him crab for now. Oh! and we have memosas!
she looked at me completely serious and said "orgasms are 15% Stronger during a hurricane" and started to take all her clothes off
Yeah I don't remember why I went to the hospital though but I just called and they have my wallet
I'm about to sell my hamster for weed money I'll call you in a few
Either I just got hit on by a 10 year old.girl dressed like a boy or I just got hit on by a midget lesbian. Either way I feel uncomfortable
wow thanks for pushing me towards an older man
you gotta start somewhere if you're going to be a trophy wife
You came running into my room at 4 in the morning yelling "SANCTUARY!" and flung yourself into bed.
Hmmm, sounds like a Jaeger night then. Did I at least get to be the little spoon?
There's weed in my toothpaste. Explain.
It was all good until his cat started licking my nipple along with him
I thought he was a lobster and that the moon was going to pull me through him.
I don't think I should try acid.
as a self proclaimed hoe im ok with a lotta things but that is not fucking one of them
Apparently we fucked, I kicked him out, then he came back and we did it on the coffee table and in the kitchen.
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