recess is on disney at 4 in the morning, insomnia has never been so rewarding
Opportunity cost of getting to econ after a night on the town > marginal benefit of attending class
Is it weird that I found myself thinking of that blue chick from Avatar while she gave me head after the movie?
just found a piece of pizza in my dresser.....i remember you saying you were going to save one for later so i'm assuming this is your doing
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Saw someone get laid in the bathroom no one was wearing shoes and I had a parrot on my shoulder...I never want to leave this bar
I tried to sit on a barstool last night...it was an open trashcan.
One small step for man, one big gay fierce leap for gays!
And if you ever tell anyone that I have emotions ill kill you
My gynaecologist hit my g-spot today by accident and for some reason I went "at least someone found it" VERY AWKWARD
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My mom has had 5 shots of fireball today and she's still functioning normally... She's just extra polite.
He must be a special kind of stupid to cheat on a women who works at a funeral home. Does he not understand you can get rid of dead bodies easier than most Americans?
I just woke up hand cuffed to the bar and shirtless, so yeah I think I need you to come get me.
i showed up really high and was trying to not be,so in order to not seem high, i got plastered
just saw a kid waiting at the door of the stairs for the elevator. there is no elevator in this building. get on his level.
Bro, I was just laying in bed with this girl and her boyfriend came an woke me up
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