Sometimes I stick my finger in my own ass and pretend it’s a vagina. I think it’s kinda weird. What do you think?
Worst part was I had to fart super bad and didn't want to ruin the room so I farted in a pillow and threw it under the bed.
I have a new fascination with cutting really small segments of hair off peoples heads when they're not looking.
i just ran into our bio chem professor at the bar. apparently, he doesn't follow the "no slapping your students' asses" rule.
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I wish that one Sunday morning I could wake up feeling like I have my life together.
Just croosed over that too drunk for chemistry class line
I want him to rain dance my fallopian tubes.
NEW INFORMATION meech found me passed out on a bench outside.
I'd rather not be labeled as that girl who came over, drank a bunch of their alcohol, woke up the 5 year old, broke shit and left
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I have a taco in my pocket for later because I am a practical drunk
The golf course isn't that incognito for sex.
You should just construct a mini-city, actually. Then destroy, photograph and post. Who could turn down a dick that conquered a whole city? Craigslist personals wont know what hit it.
I'm glad you enjoyed the night but why were you calling me "daddy"?
I'm too pretty to be this sexually frustrated.
Enjoy your early 30’s! You’re still young enough to catch a twenty something that can fuck 4 times a day, hot enough to date forty year old penises that can last long enough to give you multiple orgasms
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