i just won an entire level on word mole with the word 'clitoris'
A university police officer just hhigh fived me when i drunkenly stumbled into Aderhold. Fucking 5 o'clock somewhere.ITS IN CASABLANCA RIGHT NOW! TIME ZONES!
My phone now knows what I type and it prompts me with frequently used words. And anytime I use "and" and hit the space key two of the words are "unicorn" and "sausage"
She's the one that asked you what my favorite color was & handed you a piece of bacon
Not that you went to little darlings at 3am. But that you checked in on Facebook. C'mon bro. You're better than that.
soo...what's the appropriate way to ask to come over and take your S&M lingerie out of your ex's apartment? big weekend planned, kinda need it.
Drinking a pint every 8 mins right now. Power hour aint shit.
Good luck
Trying doe a second hour and I.cant open my eyes
Dude it's SB. It's a proven fact that all you need to survive on is beer, weed, chips and maybe some amphetamines
Just realized I've gone to court three different times with papers and a joint roller in my briefcase. #lawyeroftheyear
I know I've never told you this before.. but Gyro sauce makes everything okay.
I don't know what to do with my life other than going on Reddit and watching porn.
After an hour of searching for my pants, we had three people looking. They were finally found in the oven.
I think i got my first booty call. it was like she came to my house. sex. leave.
Congratulations. Welcome to the wonderful world of quick dirty secret sexy time.
thanks... i think. haha
That awkward moment when you realize you've been secretly blackout dating someone for three months. Drunk me is in a committed relationship.
I can’t shake the image of her gigantic black unibrow. It’s like I got a blowie from Eugene Levy
Randomize
