You know how you thought that you put on a condom last weel?
yea
turns out that you did...and i just found it.
did u really fuck my little sister???
im not saying yes or no but just know that my answer rhymes with "mess"
I just blew my nose and little bits of weed came out.
He has a really nice penis but its like a model that wasn't built to scale
I hope I take a shit on your face in your dreams tonight.
his name is devion and he has a voice like velvet and handcuffs
Why on earth is he slamming his body into the wall again?
Sex on the scooter in the parking lot wasn't the smartest idea. Actual quote from the cop as he handed me the ticket and fist bumped me.
I had the most traumatic dream I've ever had just now. I ripped my dick off because a girl asked me to and spent the rest of the dream crying about my dick
You know, we cock-blocked like 5 people last night. It's like we're her vagina goalies
Hey, dude, is Kevin still passed out on your porch?
Yeah. I'm gonna go leave a pitcher of bloody mary next to him in case he's still alive.
i chased my gummy vitamins with cold bacon, never say I don't take care of myself
i pushed adam in a shopping cart for 15 blocks, then we realized we left tyler downtown
did you go back and get him?
nah we went to a karaoke bar instead, so worth it
Do you ever go take a shit and end up sitting on the toilet for like 45 minutes wondering what the fuck you're doing with your life?
Everyday my friend, everyday.
If my vagina was a person it would have a bandage around its head and it's arm in a sling rn
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