Ppl just aren't as funny as we are
he thought i was passed out so he proceeded to jerk off while i lay on the floor next to him
You puked in the drive thru of Taco Bell. You puked as it was being handed to me. You managed to yell out "FIRE SAUCE" in between hurls.
you're my knight in shining pee-resistant armor
I JUST MET THE GIANT MAN THAT WILL CARRY ME FROM PLACE TO PLACE
I feel the need to send all my exes pictures of penises larger than theirs. Because they all must suffer.
Someone spilled vodka all over the elevator floor. Bring straws.
Some idiot from high school is in the hospital for bonging three beers up his ass
He should have died. Natural selection.
HOLY FUCK I JUST GOT WOKEN UP BY THUNDER!!!!!
I THINK I SHARTED
Actually it's really just going to be me drunk in your living room swinging from a pole on a tuesday morning.
Just found the last picture of me as a virgin. Framed it.
Let's get drunk and put things on the grill that have no right to be there.
Happy birthday, America.
They've taken all the lighthearted fun out of S&M.
So if I run into you on the street, I'm supposed to just stop drop and suck your dick?
You use your abs way more than I realized. Btw multiple orgasms is the best thing I've ever discovered.
Randomize
