The Worst (noun)- 1. Getting up at 6am after a night of drinking. 2. Wearing a Peter Rabbit costume.
drinking warm bud heavies i found in the garage and googling how to tell the gosselin kids apart.
They just gave us root beer floats. I guess I won't quit my job today.
we fucked while he was on the clock. He didnt even take off his bullet proof vest. Dont tell me thats not bad ass.
we may have ended up at a gay bar on accident. we're gonna work this to get free drinks.
he told me that my best friend was "one the most attractive people he's ever seen" and wondered why he didn't get a blow job
We are going out Saturday. Oh and we might also be jousting on bikes.
Eberyones makin fun of me cuz I found a snail and caught him and put him in a bocks for u
There is an empty space on my boobs where glow paint should be.
I found a lucrative side business - giving rides home to drunk oil executives. Very profitable.
Well his dad is my dentist so they've both been in my mouth.
His whole street is under construction. Third walk of shame this week & I'm getting a lot of sympathetic nods from the workers.
I think all the guys I've fucked in my life would get along perfectly. They'd probably form an orchestra and travel the fucking world. That gives me the slightest feeling of consistency in life which is great.
Thank you for always being there for me.
Sorry wrong derek... Do u have any weed?
He sang the chorus to “Inside of you” by Russel Brand in Forgetting Sarah Marshall as he proceeded to not pull out...
Honestly? I wouldn’t even be mad, that probably took talent
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