wanna go halves on a baby?
I don't think ill make it tonight the floor wont let me walk
if every girl in minneapolis isn't pregnant when i get back to the cities i will cry
Poopin on the sidewaaalllkkk. I wish my text told you that was a song
Well, my mom brought up me being vague about losing my license and she gave me the intervention look. so i left before they could bring out their heartfelt letters...
disregard all texts ive sent you minus taco motherfucking bell
Ps I don't think it counts as being open minded if you didn't know he was missing a leg until you had already started making out.
Oh my god. I'm not ready to be an adult. I'm not ready.
Someone should make a valentines day card that says "I like the way you continuously consume thc with no concept of a limit other than drug supply" Because I'd send that to you.
How did you tell her we met?
I told her that we met at the sex shop down the street, I thought it would be the most reasonable explanation.
I used an explanation of Walking Marriages in the Mosuo Culture to successfully negotiate an open relationship. That Anthropology degree is finally starting to pay off.
PLEASE HELP ME THE AMERICANS ARE YELLING ABOUT TURKEY, I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO
My good Christian morals say no, but my complete disregard of anything related to religion says yes
You're so sweet in the most vulgar ways
I gave her the last ten dollars to my name and bitch comes back with a six pack of bud light and a pack of sour patch kids
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