My wife all of the sudden got markedly better at giving blow jobs. Should I be happy or concerned?
feel weird hangin out with you now that i've eaten your sister out
Someone should've told Pope jumper lady and terrorist pants guy that the Worst of 2009 lists already went out....
Got kicked out of the baseball game with a 4 officer escort. Not bad for a monday night.
He's trying to row the canoe up my front yard like he is Lewis and Clark.
There was a punch bowl full of straight vodka. Glass bowl, ladle, vodka, and no punch at all. It was something of a rough night
There needs to be a crayon color for how blue my balls are
My grandpa is giving me detailed instructions on how to fight a second floor bedroom fire from a ladder on the out side. Just in case
We'll find out our level of friendship after tonight. You'll be helping me move a body. My body.
Had mirculous sex while watching miracle. Until she got mad that I kept quoting the movie. Not my fault I'm a good multi-tasker
Do you believe in miracles?
And there was a legally blind kid in a ref costume doing surprisingly well at beer pong who was passing out business cards
Between the uncertainly of my bowels today, and the distance the bar is to my house, remember I am doing this for you and our mutual appreciation of alcoholism.
Sext me about skeletons
We're about to get drunk and it feels wrong without you
Any chance he has an open marriage? That penis shouldn’t be wasted on one woman. It should be shared with all womankind, or at least me. I’m too good at sex to be deprived a penis that large
Randomize
