Hey sorry about saying i hated you. it was the coke and the ice cream.
i'm telling everyone you had sex with a puerto rican drug lord
sometime during the course of last night, i decided to get donuts for this morning. i'm a fucking genius when i smoke.
can we please move this conversation out of my vagina?
I wish alcohol would automatically work as birth control if you have sex drunk.
He was sweet. He even warned me that his dick curved, and I quote, "more than a banana."
if your not going to answer your phone this is just going to be an embarrassment tomorrow
Well after last night it's official...I cannot die...it time to use this power for good instead of handle contests
do you find it slutty that the last person I had sex with is also the person who sings my ringtone ?
Some guy just showed up at my door to return my bikini top. EXPLAIN NOW
When you're awkward as a teenager, it never goes away. You just mask it. With makeup. And boobs.
It was like coming out my mothers vagina again in slow motion
Not only did I get beyond cray cray this weekend. My body has nursed itself to plentiful and impeccable health. Fuck you world, I am back.
literally who communicates this much post-hookup why r u like this
Skipping class. Wanna Drink now?
yea. just give me 15 min to write a paper.
Randomize
