just witnessed a squirrel raping another squirrel. i couldn't look away.
I swear to god he was trying to crawl under my door last night muttering "I'm Alex Mac! I'm Alex Mac!"
So...AT&T finally added picture messaging for iPhone...bring on the tits!!!
u know how some weekends you just wanna go out and ruin a relationship? this is one of those weekends
So hungover. They actually hid easter eggs around me.
at the hospital. the stripper fell on his face when she was trying to grab the dollar bill out of his mouth with her ass. broken nose for sure.
U have to come, I miss the sound of you throwing up.
will you please stage a drunk girl intervention and tell him that his chain is severely harming his chances of getting laid tonight?
I want you to get your positive energy all over me. I want to to look like something from Ghostbusters.
This is the second girl that said she wanted to fuck me while wearing a clown nose. Fuck online dating
I feel like a girl who eats her problems away with fast food.
When all else fails, you can always look down at your enormous penis.
There are condoms rolled onto each bunny ear of the ears I was wearing last night
I'm sitting naked on my bathroom floor and it remind me of us.
That's my way of saying I miss you
You told everybody that you were a dragon and then projectile vomited all over the kitchen.
You better have a raging boner when I get to your house and it better be worth missing work in the morning.
Randomize
