Hows this for an invention: a toilet that weighs your poop
I HAVE FLAVORED BLOW. THIS SHOULD NOT EXISIT.
I've reached the slutty point of no return. And it feels like multiple orgasms and coke lines
Just saw him riding in a basket on the front of a bike trying to feed the other guy beer. He screamed 'PARTY BIKE BITCHES!' at me as they rode past.
I lied. He's hitting on a drag queen now. Should I rescue him or take pictures?
She's using our floating beer pong table as an air mattress to sleep on.
We'll I told him I wanted to keep it PG last night, but then later I asked him to take his pants off. So i'm guessing it was my fault.
Woke up this morning with an extra $35 and someone else's ATM receipt. How much did I drink last night?
We made a pact to go to the nursing home together... that way we could stay high till the bitter end. Do you not remember?
don't bring your nerd jargon into this conversation about my naked body
Just realized that I bailed on you guys yesterday just so I could get wendy's. it was worth it but still, sorry
Haha do not judge my life style choices right now but me and Dj had sex twice and then he helped me pick an outfit out for my date
The last time I saw you you got angry and yelled "WHISKEY DOESNT COUNT" ... I think that's at least a 7 on the hotmess scale.
You smoked too much and passed out, didn't you?
You know me so well.
I am way to hungover for it to be Thursday.
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone’s dad. You’re also like a second dad to me as well. And one who I send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
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