i just had sex. the condom broke. we're sleeping in to separate beds. And im in albany
On Saturday, I sharted on my roommates dog while trying to make it smell my farts. Today I got security clearance to work for one of the most respected and secretive govt agencies in the US
It's the American dream
I've decided to only have meaningless sex from now on.
And what brought this epiphany?
I've decided it's a lot easier to have dirty amazing sex with someone when you don't care about the other person or what they think of you. I'm going to test this theory soon. Will update you later
he couldn't find his key, so we just had sex on his parent's porch while we waited for his mom to get home.
This Xanax laced vodka tonic will help me forget that all these spring breakers are all young enough to have been my students.
It's a gift. Kind of like morning wood in my brain.
You know when you blow me it's the softest, most amazing feeling ever. Like putting my dick in a silk bag filled with puppy ears.
DR UNK TOWN USA
TEAM USA GO AMERICA
Life Epiphany- I need to have children so I can be the drunk grandma at family functions. Its my destiny.
let me drop the bass on your empty vagina syndrome
This isn't a because its valentines day booty call, it's a because your cock is phenomenal booty call that happens to be on valentines day..
I just took a service station dump so foul I had to buy gas out of guilt
Should we make a shared Google doc list of places we want to fuck? Like a scavenger hunt?
Im drinking a CAN of bud light at the bar. Do you really think I care anymore?
IT'S MY BIRTHDAY. I SHOULDN'T HAVE TO DRIVE 3 HOURS FOR BIRTHDAY SEX.
Randomize
