Jesus wouldn't steal pop tarts. So why did you?
i fucked her mom dude
there's something to tell the kids
I only have two playlists on my iPod. One for when im getting drunk, one for when I'm getting high. Is this something to be worried about?
It's sad really how 5 am brings with it a distinction from drunken to pathetic.
they just named my boobs. Lefty is "Guenevere" and Righty is "I claim this boob for America"
He sent me $300 worth of sex toys. My clitoris went into hiding after two days.
I'm responsible for my client's overall well-being. Which is terrifying coming from someone that can't stop masturbating and eats leftover pizza just about everyday.
You better buy her a motherfucking bunnyrabit to make up for this. And me footsie pajamas for being a cockblock.
I rocked my own world, he was just a prop.
I would have been very attracted to her had she not been reading me my Miranda Rights
He said he doesnt believe in the female orgasm,so no I did not have sex with him.
She showed up ready for sex all night.. with waters and a meat and cheese tray
She answered the door wearing a basket, said it was the only clean thing she had.
i refuse to sex anyone who doesn't get my lord of the rings references. no exceptions.
But I don't see you as the jesus riding a dinosaur with a machine gun type of guy
Randomize
