i just remembered that i beat off next to you while we were naked and passed out next to each other after last night... No Homo
I just woke up and shes still asleep next to me with her vibrator inside her and on. Whats normal protocol for this situation?
I'm going to come in a little later this morning....there's no heterosexual way to say this....$1 flip flop sale at old navy
Just coerced a Santa to buy me a handle. Tis the season.
There was a fucking SNAKE in the urinal. WHAT THE FUCK
There is a nerf war going on here. I just cleaned the blood out of the fridge
Trust me man, I did not put any cookies down your pants when you slept.
I slept with him that night and I'm not sure if my lack of enthusiasm was obvious but I found him eating ice cream in the bathtub the next morning. Mom will be so proud.
It would be like if I said I had the cure for cancer and my explanation was I like turtles.
At least I know that however bad my life gets and how low I can feel I'll never feel shitting in a red robin parking lot low
must go to store soon wiping with panty liner ugh
How do I tell this guy that if he does not like the condoms at my apartment, he should bring his own without sounding like a sure thing?
Say it's BYOC night at the beach. And, you are a sure thing. Own it.
How do you teach a grown ass men how to fuck? Why is good sex so hard to find these days?
Please come pick up your twin. She's tap dancing in her underwear and that's not how you want yourself represented.
Accidentally mixed my gin with cold brew coffee instead of cranberry juice. It’s bad. But I’ll finish it. Never leave a fallen soldier.
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