he kept looking at my chin until i asked why, then he just said he was making sure his balls didnt leave a mark.
is it wrong that i plan on stealing a few pipecleaners from my preschool classroom to clean my bowl?
I think I might have accidentally had a threesome last night with two good friends. See, this is what happens when you leave me.
I feel like Tiger Woods should send Jesse James a gift basket or something...
i could totally date him if i was just drunk the whole relationship
You were humming mission impossible as we ran from the cops
It was only 12:11 and I needed to make a Pepto Latte and call it a night, I don't remember that being part of my new years resolution.
Okay we're getting vodka and coming
Okay. Joe has my machete attached to his belt
I told you being able to play expert on guitar hero would get us laid one day
I woke up on the green space outside our dorm cradling a watermelon and sucking my thumb. College is crazy man.
We shared a dick. We're practically sisters!
There were firefighters and a fire truck up the street. I asked what was wrong and their exact words were "Just a tiny explosion; it'll be all right"
I just had a flashback to me puking and you telling me it was okay because my boobs still looked awesome.
Oh man I knew I took that Molly too soon, talkin to some Scottish people lol but don’t like rollin in pizza restaurants.
Actually I really wish that I was drinking so I could ask him for breakup sex and then later blame it on my alcoholic tendencies. Maybe tomorrow instead.
Randomize
