HIV tests are more positive than that guy
I wanna passion pit in your ass
I just accidently sent my poop smells like vodka to 27 people in my phone book
Is King's over? Or do I still have to say 'On Matt's cock' at the end of every sentence on matt's cock?
He asked me to touch his mustache. Should I go home with him?
You asked me to be the big spoon, when you passed out on the stairs
Then he showed me his sketchbook. Every drawing was a hand in different 'fingering positions'. Dear JESUS.
I'm standing in the shower drinking with the light off and a candle lit, listening to Amy Winehouse. Be proud.
You're alright. You just passed out while we were having sex. Then I'm pretty sure you peed. So I went home.
I told him finishing at the same time would be a long-term project. Like flipping a house. A sexual house.
Two words: blizzard sex
If you're into enormous nipples, you should ask out my office's receptionist.
He was walking around and kept offering the neighbors flamingo lawn ornaments shots of vodka.
Responsible things to do when you're too hungover to get out of bed: Breast self exam.
and by running errands I mean eating an entire bag of milanos by myself in the Walmart parking lot
Randomize
