Christians are straight up FREAKS
i kinda do this "flirt with girls and pretend to be a hot white guy named chris" thing
So it's like pop-o-matic trouble, but with penises
I'm about two and a half drinks away from gay.
I'm coming over.
He came, while we were making out fully clothed. I'm going to write a book.
I should've been more social I guess. I feel bad not meeting the people who willingly sucked alcohol out of my navel...
i spilled a box of white cheddar cheezits on the bathroom floor about 2 days ago. when i went back to the house he yelled at me from the bathroom: "THANKS FOR THE CHEEZITS, I'll ALWAYS HAVE A SNACK FOR WHEN IM SHITTING NOW!"
i just deleted him from my phone. and yes... I did just text you this from less than 20 feet away.
I'm not judging.. I sure as hell am not getting out of my bed to come talk to you about this. but i support your decision
I had to switch to male Siri because I could feel female Siri voice judging me for reading my sexts out loud. Also, the dude voice keeps me in the mood.
I got so drunk that I peed my bed...and all over him. The ironic thing is that he slept in his swimming trunks.
It was great. Except he kept asking me to lick his butthole, I was like firm no
Making friends with the guy who had alcohol-infused whipped cream was the best decision I made all night.
Last night I realized my life is an experiment of really bad decisions when I had to leave without my underwear. But at least I'm expanding my life experience.
We have massive handle of kettle and a rack of hi life
That's the happiest ive ever been at 7:48 am....
Go ahead without me. This chick is buying me drinks and just found out her husband is cheating on her. I think I just found the next level of revenge fucking: Scorned Trophy Wife Sex
Randomize
