You hurt me so bad and it feels so good
Multitasking record: pooping whilst putting on shoes and cleaning ear with q-tip. All while texting.
Update: fell off toilet, one shoe on, q-tip still in ear. Not a pro.
I totally thought the tree was playing the guitar
You know it's an interesting night when you drunkenly scream at your boss, "You'd make a HORRIBLE OBGYN!! You're hands are ENORMOUS!"
New favorite sorority...they made me pancakes in the morning and welcomed back the walk of shame girls with a round of applause
I was chocking and even did the sign for it..And you continued to just laugh
it was not a walk of shame, it was a ferry ride of shame, and i'm not ashamed, so technically it was just an early morning ferry ride. wearing yesterday's clothing
and semen
Nice. Don't spend your therapist's co-pay on Jaeger bombs.
I can't find my underwear or one of my shoes but he baked me cookies for breakfast.
U have to come, I miss the sound of you throwing up.
I can't wait for you to see these terrible photos I'm about to have taken with some stripper looking girls. I don't know what this photographer is thinking
Do you think if 10 year old us knew that we would be passing out in a McDonalds after a hefty night of drinking, and 23 McChickens, they'd change anything?
CALL ME OLD FASHIONED BUT PEE IS FOR TOILETS
And somehow i feel like your expectations will turn out to be illegal in some way.
There's a lady rapping at me about making healthy food choices. She lives in a refrigerator. This is not okay with me
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