everything was goin great until he pulled out his ed hardy lighter and smoked in my face like he was cool.
it's like you attract all the douchebags that nobody wants. people should thank you.
you shoved the noah's ark of animal crakers in your mouth saturday.
the blizzard started in kansas. im debating driving to a bar now so i can get snowed in there for the game
Would it be a dick move to report the suite next-door for a noise violation? They're singing Bad Romance off-key and I'm not sure if I can allow that.
I mean I don't object to weird looking penis as long as it gets the job done. I just need to get it in. I'm gonna be humping chairs soon.
Hey, who is this? Sorry, you're in my phone as "you better remember".
I've reached the gravitational age where it's very hard to get my face and my boobs in the same shot without some kind of yoga involved .
He is asleep with his dick hanging out of my my little pony pajamas. I am required to wake this man up by blowjob
Your sexual fantasies often terrify me but get a pic
I think there's a problem with society when I'm shopping for lingerie and I think "man some of these would make kickass shirts"
Rigtt?!
I can now say I know getting hit in the face with a flying tortilla is not fun
Congrats! Its a fuck boy!
I think I gave a random lady a dildo
Again?!
I'm watching Netflix with my cats and eating homemade bread. Everyone and everything can go and fuck itself.
i am currently wearing a bowl of frosting on my head. i do not regret any of my life choices leading to this moment
You yelled at me about a fork.
You probably deserved it, I'm very territorial about my cutlery.
Randomize
