My boss just called me into his office to apologize for being an "inadvertant cockblock"
i never realize how drunk i am until i start using people as human stripper poles
Did you know the Dallas Cowboy cheerleaders have an exercise show ON Demand? Yeah, I had a lonely night
I just had a cup of orange juice and thought it didnt taste right. It didnt have vodka in it.
He was trying to put his hand up my shirt but I remembered the coke was stashed in my bra so I moved his hand to my pants
martini and pecan pie.. breakfast of champions.
He just referred to his foreskin as a snuggie. Help.
This is going to be the summer remembered forever as the giant 3 month long mushroom trip.
this mall makes me feel like I just rolled a 9 in jumanji and got the stampede card
I'm in the freezer. Shit took away any trace of hangover outa my body.
Trying to figure out if the guy I'm with right now is the same guy I met spring break
Oh duude it is the guy from spring break! Awk.
I don't know if your celebrity crush has ever asked you for nudes, but it's fucking awesome
So we were in bed when his brother walks in, walks over to me, fist bumps me and says he just wanted to say hi, then leaves...so random lmao
I went shopping for a dress that was baptism and bar appropriate.
Also lets pinky promise right now that we will NOT play "Pony" outside of each other's rooms if we have a hook up over
Randomize
