I tried to tell him it was only 2:00, but he said since it was 5:00 in New York, it was perfectly acceptable. He then put on a Blues Brothers hat and a pair of wayfarers and left. I expect him home in a few hours with a police escort.
I never doubt that you might be drinking at any moment.
I had just got her shirt off when I realized that I was about to fuck Chewbacca from Star Wars. The way she moaned confirmed that I was.
he aplogized for the shitty sex and called me "ma'am" when he did it. And he wants redemption sex. Gah I love southern gentlemen.
in light of our recent drunken behavior, i think it's time we seriously consider hiring ourselves a babysitter.
There are paw prints all over my ceiling.
Not sure if jager bombs can cure tuberculosis, but its a theory im testing as we speak
I have a cup of vodka in my bathroom with a straw in it. Yes, I am ready for this bikini wax.
ok. can u leave the new roommate a list of instructions for me? like what i need to be fed and when i need to be exercised?
Corn dogs constantly. And all.the time
I realized last night, I never talk dirty in German during sex. How much wasted potential is that?
Boobs speak an international language.
my roommates tied me up with rope and duct tape then left me outside the door to the hot girls' suite on my floor, knocked on the door and ran away leaving me there with a sign that says free
There is a man playing a trumpet at this brunch and I hate life. Too hungover for this. Send help ASAP.
As a side note, can you ask the maintenance staff not to drag their balls on our stairwell handrails. Please.
First she snuck beer into the movies and then proceded to give me a handjob in the dark theatre. I think I'm in love
Randomize
