please. tell me to stop eating out of the trash.
By the way, she says hi. At least I think she did since she licked my phone
His dick was poking my bladder. That big...
He told her, Don't talk. Just sit there so I can imagine that you have the kind of personality I wish you had.
The dopest dose you'll ever dose. I felt like an octopus all of thursday
Haha at least the one I have like that you can't tell we are completely drunk and you're about to kick a glass out of my hand in a fit of joy over pizza.
That sad moment when even your drug dealer lands a summer internship and you don't...
I'll have you know my trust issues and my daddy issues are two COMPLETELY different topics of conversation.
There is nothing worse than the batteries of your vibrator dying on valentines day
My housemates are judging me because I'm high at 8am and making Spongebob shaped Mac and Cheese
They know nothing, John Stoned.
It's not a funeral, it's a celebration of life. Going commando AND braless is really just honoring him!
So I just saw someone get shoved into a car trunk by your car.
The last thing I remember is trying to chug the rest of the everclear, running through a fence, and laying down in the snow. I hurt.
I took advantage of the fact that my mentee had to go to the bathroom to throw up in the other stall. I'm going to hell for being hungover at an elementary school.
This date is awful. He’s too boring to bang
Is porn accurate? Can I order a pizza and do the delivery boy?
Randomize
