I think I'd rather ejaculate tabasco. You'd have to scrape out guacamole.
i just found a cheeto on my floor and ate it. i might still be drunk.
She just said she finds Tyler Perry funny... this is not going to work.
One of my friends found 6 bags of gummy bears on the roof. He lives a building over. Apparently even hammered you still have quite an arm
he actually said the words "do you want to pet the lizard?" with a straight face as he unzipped his pants
When that rick ross song came on he started ripping up dollar bills and pouring out drinks on the floor. I'm all for ignorance but it was a little excessive for a wedding
im drunk. people are steering their children away from me. whatever it is that you called for, I assure you that I don't care. have a good night
Well see how he likes it when I randomly start crying and saying my dads name during sex I WILL RUIN ALL HIS FUTURE BONERS
You want anything?
Gatorade and you naked.
It's fine. I wouldn't trust either of them to be my workplace drug buddy.
he's like watermelon oreos; I know they're gross and weird and I shouldn't like them, but I can't stop eating them because they're there.
Sometimes I really think that if... When your stoned you have a catlike ability to just relax in any position
I feel like I'm pretty optimistic for a girl that might be pregnant.
He let me eat chexmix while we fucked... I think I love him.
Still had our rainbow strip poker new years tradition. End of night we were only wearing mask.
Did you get the usual surprise pics from the strange straight you like to sprinkle in.
Randomize
