How's tricks little girl?
Trix are for kids, old man.
he quoted Bring It On. It's over.
we're chasing vodka with high fives
The bars here don't close until 4!
my legs don't close until 4
So, after having sex with my 4th overweight girl in 2 weeks, I've decided Charlie Sheen syndrome is ruining my life.
If it makes you feel any better, i gave her boyfriend a blowjob last week.
Taking shot for every red box on your worst bracket. I have 30. I might die tonight.
What do I wear to meet his family/put his dog to sleep? Is there even an appropriate outfit for this occasion?
just filed my taxes drunk as balls. i may be going to jail.
Why would you hook up with someone whos known for peeibg in someones mouth
I distinctly remember calling the anesthesiologist a "sneaky little bastard" directly to his face
Please, by all means, tell me what can't be helped by two stiff drinks & a blowjob?
My car windows are covered in lube. Happy 4th of July!
I ate her out in the bathroom and she did my makeup. Man i love being a lesbian
just because i'm not a monk anymore doesn't mean I need to tell you about my new sex life.
which is fantastic by the way.
Randomize
