Sometimes I feel like I shouldn't drink when I come out of a black out half naked covered in puke. Then I realize thats why I drink.
he broke up with me so i peed in his bed
Dry humping a girl for an hour and then jizzing in your pants doesn't count as losing it.
I fuked that chick last night and she kept saying, "oh...oh....oh", like Bill Lumberg
so what did you do?
I did the mash I did the monster mash It was a graveyard smash!
Its officially tradition: I black out every year on michael jackson's death day..
Sometimes I wonder why.. Then I realize I can't fool myself with that question bc we all know it's bc of his enormous dick
I need to stop taking drags of other peoples cigarettes, it's such a tease. Like playing just the tip, you just can't
It's not quite a landing strip... It's more like a soul patch for my vagina.
What kind of a birthday party isn't a get drunk and ruin everything party
I had a 10 minute conversation with the refrigerator, it was telling me how it likes to be opened and closed. Ecstasy, I love you.
also my alarm just went off. I am always amused at what time drunk me decides to wake up.
My roommates don't agree with the whole tv in the bathroom idea. Fucking barbarians.
I'm sorry. I slept with him again. On the plus side he's got better at it!
The highlight of the trip was definitely my dad telling me that I "used to be his prettiest daughter."
Just hit on a girl with the line, "You look like Natalie Portman if she did drugs". Strike 1
Randomize
