Is it necrophilia if we're both dead?
So are we goin out tonight?
Dude, we woke up in your car in some parking lot last night...
And that was fun, wasn't it?
Everything was going good until she wanted to update her status...You forgot to close pterodactyl porn from this morning. Clothes went back on.
Just dropped $150 at the liquor store. No power and two feet of snow has taken my alcoholism to another level.
NoDDING MY HEAD LIKE uyuEAH MOViUNG MY HiPS LioKe YEAhhhhhhhhhhh
wow.
is it really high of me to have brought my own hot sauce to wendys?
I feel like someone was just looking at my memory and took out an eraser and was like "nope he doesnt need that"
We were just at different life stages. He wanted to get married and have kids, I wanted to take MDMA and fuck my roommate.
You were crying and singing wanted dead or alive while trying to eat cold soup, I think that pathetic is an understatement
A man in a black on black escalade pulled up next to me, and told me he was sent to pick me up by you.
His name is Tyreece. He will take you to the weed emporium, population me.
I woke up with a cutting board and a bag of uncooked pasta next to me.
we turned the lights off and all you could see were my glow in the dark stars and his penis
You poured a bottle of water into the salad bowl and said "bowls are a joke" and then poured it into your lap.
last night i was way too drunk and i was forcing people to let me tell them about mammals
so you might not believe this but he made a powerpoint. and gave you a 3.5/10.
Randomize
