Hi Jason, it's Liz. We dont need you to pick us up anymore. I dont care if you will be here in a milisecond. And you should know im wearing really amazing shoes.
Just turned elections for the sorority into a drinking game. Right on.
it's to the point where working 2 jobs this summer will absolutely not cover how much i will spend on alcohol next semester.
Either you made a spaghetti vodka smoothie last night, or you puked in the blender.
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Well if all fails we can always become surrogate mothers. I hear that pays well.
I tried exercising today. I ended up masturbating to the Wii fit trainer.
I am going to be fat forever.
He just asked me if I'd be interested in couples therapy. Fuck my life.
The two girls sitting next to me are asking siri "Like, uh, how do you know my name?". Do I fuck with them or fuck them?
I feel like cursing someone's first born child right now. Like I wanna maleficent some bitch.
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fuck Derek. I choose weed. weed isn't angry and would never ask me to be someone I'm not.
Got to use the phrase "sweet pukas dude." My day is made.
we've never stayed at a party for more than an hour. we always end up at a pizzaria. by ourselves. with no friends.
what else are best friends for?
He let me share his family pack of hot pockets with him. Chivalry isn't dead after all.
I'm doing my drinking workout. 20 pushups for each beer I finish. I should write a fucking book
I got confused. The music was loud, porn was playing, people were grinding, there were hand jobs.
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