i wish mother nature was an actual person cause i'd bitch slap her for sure
She told me that she faked her orgasm. Does she think I care??
Ordered my mom Mother's Day flowers online and moved on to internet porn. Do you think this is some sort of Freudian slip?
He's the equivalent of a body pillow and a dildo. But still funny. We have good pillow talk.
I think that's mostly how we became friends.
Well that, and your desire to put your penis in me.
Oh shit. The hangover. It has taken 20 mins and 5 attempts to tie my shoelaces
Sober me admires drunk me's enthusiasm, but there is no way I'm going to make it out there today.
Lol drunk you is so full ideas and happy. Sober you is full of grumpy reality.
He snapchatted me the wine on the ceiling this morning
When I die I just want my headstone to my name, date of birth-death, and TEQUILA!!
She brought me back a blanket from Mexico, then we had sex on it
You've created a tinder dominating monster.
You know what id love more than anything right now? ..a back rub while eating biscuits and gravy
sending my old camp counselor nudes. childhood memory win or new low?
Someone made a Christmas song to the Flintstones theme and I'm suing for emotional distress.
Sorry. I was preoccupied thinking about penises
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