But I don't consider them one night stands. They're auditions.
He wanted a quickie. I said, can I play doodle jump on my iPhone during? And that's exactly how it went.
So i do have strep. My apologies to the british guy from this weekend. You now have one more reason to hate america
Mistake of the day: loudly discussing my gay hookups on the phone at the dmv in upstate NY... this must be what leprosy feels like
I was out with the drag queens until 7am. This is the hangover I needed to kick my ass back to sobriety. Dear Virgin Mary, fuck my life.
Had a booty call cancel on me tonight. Said he hurt his back. So this is what single and 30-something is like. Suck.
She's got a butler. A fucking butler. Shes like batman, but with a better ass.
I let him fuck me in a batman costume. Don't talk to me about needing to read fifty shades gray.
Don't tell me 'the Fonzie' doesn't work. Went to see Shakespeare high and gave the sign to the dude playing Macbeth. Now at a cast party getting blown. All hail the Fonz.
I'm not letting you use my bathroom unsupervised anymore. You peed in the sink thinking it was a urinal...
I feel kind of like we’re in a gang and tonight is one of those “people are gonna know not to fuck with us” type of nights. And then tomorrow I am going to learn to pole dance. I’m not really sure how I got to this point in my life… but I like it.
i just called dibs on the taxi driver at the bar that isnt drinking. im a grown up
IF THE SUNS NOT EVEN OUT THEN WHY IS HIS DICK OUT WTF
Congratulations on giving me my first and second hickeys last night. I made it almost 30 years without one, but who needs class these days?
Quick question: now that you've broken up, should I also delete the nudes your boyfriend sent me while you were together??
Randomize
