Its mothers day and I have choke marks around my neck. Thanks for that.
he broke into my appartment and left me a waffle maker...
I can only get completely wasted and hungry two more times and then we're out of fritos.
Sorry I never showed up last night. It was between spending time with you and our freinds or having violent multiple orgasims. I chose the low road.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm eating the rest of the Xmas shrooms and welcoming 2012 by communing with the pine cone.
I left the guinea pigs on the dryer. Make sure to take care of them.
My biggest accomplishment thus far this summer is having sex 5 weeks after hip surgery.
Important update! My next door neighbours have a canoe. Repeat: THEY HAVE A CANOE! We are having sex in it before this summer is over.
Whats proper etiquette for apologizing to your wife for being so drunk you stood up and pissed on the bedroom floor next to the bed?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm slowly getting to where I don't hate people anymore.
Never mind. Some random dude just walked past me and asked if I was having fun. I snarled at him. I might still kinda hate people.
So how does one go about leaving their family vacation to hang out with someone they met on tinder
I mean you can one up her. Instead of ruining friendships you can ruin marriages.
I really don’t want to have kids.
I thought we agreed we were done with dirty talk for the day
my night went from a boring school play to hotboxing a car with 3 criminals
I may have made out with your roommate and your cousin tonight. In my defense I thought both of them were your cousin.
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