Also do the "tongue the pee-hole" thing.
Just met someone from Jersey. No fist pumps or jagerbombs. Kind of disappointed...
you almost dropped the shot glass then you thought you were such a hard ass for catching it that you slammed it on the table and broke it
she's drunk at 2 in the afternoon again. at least my mother is predictable.
I imagine I kinda look like a banana with one boob out.
There's no way I'm ready for marriage. I have too many pics of other guys' junk on my phone for an eternal commitment right now.
Go tell your boss to go fuck himself because you have beer and doritos and zombies waiting on you
A milkman. But instead of milk I'm delivering marijuana. And instead of a milk truck it's an armored car.
You're a weed delivery man, in an armored car?
I'm on A4A looking at dick pics while the CEO is on the phone trying to convince me not to leave the company
WHO GIVES HANDJOBS AT 8 IN THE FUCKING MORNING
One of my pillows is missing but it's cool because there is a beef stick.
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
I just read my D.A.R.E. essay from 5th grade. I'm having mixed feelings about my previous life choices right now.
Nobody cheats on THIS.
i thought the time we went to a party with no shoes on was bad, how about the time you left with no pants on?
Randomize
