Bike broken, reschedule party till thursday:(
is there any particular reason you took a shit in a zip lock bag and left it in my refrigerator?
Giving the kids Children's Claritin and calling it candy.....Is it setting them up for drug abuse later?
That glade motion activator thing keeps going off every time we pass the bong. I don't know what I'm getting high off right now.
We were confused who drove until we went outside and her cupholders were torn out of the dash and laying on the ground
I dunno, but she kept buying me shots and asking me to go places with her. oh btw we're signed up to go bungee jumping Saturday
Hurry up. Some creepy guy with a "God is vengeful" flyer is asking where I wanna go most today. I think he's going to chop me into pieces.
Ok wear gym clothes just in case we feel like going shitfaced to the gym
He burnt his arm on the grill, then turned around and started blaming it on the burger buns...I think it's safe to say he's drunk.
I joined the mile high club last night. I ran a mile while high on coke. It was glorious
You started pulling out condoms from your fanny pack and threw them at all the couples on the beach
Okay I'm ready to show you that my weiner still works
Too late, I'm convinced it's broken
Just asphyxiate me and toss my corpse in the Ocean. It'll be easier than whatever the next four or eight years will bring.
i think i puked but i couldve been a dream and i may have madeout with a 20 something guy infront of my managers...also possible dream.
hey i'm sure you are probably asleep bc you suck and think sleep is necessary to live or something?
Randomize
