Tampa is so boring. I'm dying. I want lots of cleavage at my funeral. If i cant get laid, i want my friends to. I'm that kind of person
Is there a "Plan B" app for my iphone?
alex threw up in my bong. i'm going to call it a night.
At the bar dressed as a taco. not a typo. Come down.
I like your house better though. Cause it has febreeze and lube.
I don't think you have any idea how kinky that sounds.
Peter invited his little brother to smoke with us and he is trying so hard to pretend he's done it before. When he saw the weed he was like "hell yeah!" and everyone got completely silent and just looked at him
I have a friend that keeps saying he wants to go bear hunting. Thought I would say just walk down church street at night. What intersection is it?
Seriously your house is like the underground railroad for unwanted gay kids
There was a selfie of you in the dark pointing at the camera with a duck face. You sent it to my 60 year old mother with the caption "you behave"
she just nodded and said "yeah, I'd fuck him for a reese's peanut butter cup". it's so nice to know I'm not the biggest whore living here
Do one night stands count towards my number?
Yes. A penis is a penis
Even bad ones?
YES.
I feel like it could help stop wars and begin world peace and the continents can unite for one Monday because chicken fries come back today
You have talents. You got me laid two weekends in a row in two different cities.
No, not if I told them not to. they listen to me. I have a vagina.
You need to get out of there before he falls in love with you.
Randomize
