tonight is going to be epic. can you pre-book an ambulance?
I just saw a girl in Albersons in spandex and curlers buying PBR. Only PBR.
So I just used shazaam to figure out a pairs figure skating song. I don't think I could get any gayer.
all i remember is stealing his cheesepuffs and shaving my vagina in the hotel lobby
I may have pooped in your shoe. or somewhere else in your closet. its unclear.
I am not saying a eulogy for your vibrator.
She definitely looked like a troll, but I had take one for the team. Or at least thats what I keep telling myself
Don't worry. I told him just because you've gargled some balls in the past doesn't mean you'll be handling his.
I really wanted that to be shared. Thank you.
Just realized I probably only have one more wedding where I can say I fucked the bride.
You asked for 4 things: your phone, your wallet, your keys and your denture. I stopped asking questions.
Am I getting cock blocked by karaoke? That's a first.
His acid is intense dude. I was just over at his place laughing about the hole in the wall I was convinced was a cat
I walked outside and found some random guy passed out on our front porch. We managed to acquire the 12 pack of lagers he had so it's all good.
I got eaten out in the igloo at snow-kings castle last night.My thighs were literally melting ruts in the ice bench.Definitely colder than the minus 40 blowjob at Desiree's wedding
On the brightside we know now that empty pringle cans are accepted at mcdonalds as cups.... Screw people who judged us, we saved a buck
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