So tired and we had a cokehead in the salon today making us bleach her whole head because she thought it would let her pass her drug test for custody of her kid
Oh.My.God.
Whats the name of the guy with his hand down my pants?
I'm home with mono, wearing knee high socks, shorts, a stained old shirt, and a surgical mask. He comes over ANYWAY with soup, a gas mask, billions of DVDs, and eats me out. He's either stupid, whipped, or i'm just THAT good.
no they seem fine, they're doing push ups and waiting for a charging toy helicopter
Not gonna lie i was comfortable between the allsups air conditioners while you were talking to the cop.
I also was calling every child by their name "Birthcontrol" - straight people are fun
I bought an american flag today and by god im gonna fuck someone on it
Shouldn't have fucked on the top bunk, I bounced so high my hair got caught in the ceiling fan and almost broke my neck.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
That's how you know it was a good night if two months later you finally realized your skirt never made it home and you found out where it was.
I threw up off of your balcony and it must have been loud because the dog downstairs went insane.
like, by the end of my shift people were asking if I'd sobered up enough to take a drink order yet. that bad.
Tonight I researched being a phone sex operator and teaching English at a French school in Africa. I think my future lacks direction
its like i just tried to scrub the hangover off of me.
How did people get blow jobs before text messaging?
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