My bottle opener just broke off in the cork
They don't teach how to cope w these situations in boy scouts
i feel like the song jizz in my pants was made for him.
there is this woman at the counter who looks identical to linda ellerbee. and she's grinning. COME. INSIDE. NOW.
Suck a a big bag of reindeer cock bud. Sent from church. See you in hell
The doctor put me on 3000 mg of amoxicillin a day. Which, for a sinus infection, seems pretty excessive to me.
Maybe he was just trying to knock out any potential ghonorrhea you might be carrying around.
Ah, my reputation precedes me.
Graduating is kinda bittersweet. Now I'm gonna have to find another excuse to day-drink and sleep until 3pm besides "I'm in college."
There needs to be a crayon color for how blue my balls are
I have been drinking since 2. And I'm now chasing the cat around the house with a light saber. Anna's helping.
I sat on the ground outside wawa chain smoking and telling two strangers about my sex life. I also accepted Rick James Bitch and Celine Dion as their names.
We should have a bouncer at the top of our stairs asking the guys we bring home for ID...
He's sweet and rough. A wonderful contradiction. He's the starburst of sex.
Well, I have a text in my phone that just says "Scrumtrelescent" from a girl I have in here as "Cheesy Tits", so you figure out how my night was going.
"I'm not drinking any more tonight." As I dipped my quesadilla in a shot of tequila....then eats it
Now I don't feel like I'm sweating cheeseburger all the time.
Im sorry you'll never get the feeling of closeness when you go to pee outside and you realize you're peeing right where someone else just peed
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