You guys coming?
We are smoking out the bouncer? But after that sure
i got lost in a forest last night. this morning I realized the "forest" was just 6 trees on campus.
My doctor just informed me that my food allergies qualify me for a medical marijuana license. I get it on Tuesday. It won't help at all, but my life is awesome!
Your brother just informed me that half a mouthful is a unit of measurement. I love talking to members of your family.
Having sex with her is like doing taxes, Happens once a year and I usually end up paying.
bouncer thought i was tryin to get the license plate numbers of strippers to stalk them. I had to go show him where I threw up to get back in.
I forgot to tell you the best part. The folded up paper he wrote his number on opened up to be a picture of him when he was younger wearing a Columbia tshirt in front of NASA and in pen said his name and "space consultant."
His whole family saw that I had cum in my hair once they turned on the blacklight at the bowling alley. You should have seen his mother's face.
Also, last night I had a dream that I was in a victoria's secret fashion show and they made me wear a t-shirt over my lingerie. Spring dieting begins now.
Congratulations, you are no longer the only person who has watched me drunkenly pee on their furniture.
She came to the party dressed as slutty elmo and then called me oscar the grouch for not wanting to bang her in the dumpster outside.
she is way to in-touch with her childhood
I posted my balls on ericas instagram. It got 17 likes.
He goes "hi, free today?" WHEN AM I EVER FREE ON A SATURDAY, I GOT HUNGOVER TO BE AND DRUNK TO GET.
You were passed out in the OutBack Bowl Shrimp costume and when we asked you wtf happened you just said On Wisconsin.
I think I'm the first girl to break a bed with a guy, without even having sex with him while doing so.
Randomize
