I woke up this morning with "guy in polar bear j.crew boxers" written on my stomach along with a 5 digit phone number...
puked in the new hous. now it's officially home.
I just got home. Seriously all I remember is taking out my contacts and putting your balls in my mouth.
Careful when you walk in I'm laying by the door.
whoever set the energy saving light timer in the lobby bathroom cleraly has no concept how long a work dump takes
I just puked my brains out on the side of the road (see picture) And I took a picture for our scrapbook! I am always thinking! =) tell me your proud?!
Leaving your birthday party to engage in a threesome IS allowed. I checked the rule book.
We stayed up until 4:20 AM. The next thing I remember was waking up at 4 PM, like my internal alarm clock knew.
Highlight of the night was you walking into the men's room yelling "My husband is diabetic" and crawling under the stall to yell at me.
What not to say at an interview: i can wrap the shit out of some food.
Boobs have been pretty central in my life somehow lately which makes me question if I am truly gay
Please tell me I didn't send you a dick pic in the middle of Peter Pan..
Next time I will hook the Xbox before I get high I spent 30minuts thinking I was playing the Simpsons game when it was in reality a tv episode
You can't just drop that I might be walking into a foursome and leave it at that
Perfect attendance and not being drunk since Sunday. This is a new leaf if I've ever seen one
Randomize
