I told him I had my daily dose of vitamin c so i wouldn't blow him
I think he liked me better when I only opened my mouth to suck his dick.
This guy at the party just introduced himself to me as "the guy who sat behind you on a plane last year"
Houston, we have a blender
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My building was evacuated who wants to quake and bake
I dont care if he cant spell. Illiterate people need blowjobs too
not sure if I should be concerned that my brother just stormed into my room and looked at me with a serious face and said, "I'm a peacock, you have to let me fly." oh, vicodin...
dude to be honest with you there is a used condom that ive just left on my floor for three days
you have got to get your shit together
I just got invited to party with a bunch of elderly lesbians I am in no position to offer life advice
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sorry that I got drunk and refused to let you buy me pizza. I'm a monster and I understand if you hate me forever
I dropped her off at home and her fiancé was shitty, it was 4:30 am. I told him I was the Uber driver
I think I got a sinus infection from puking out my nose on st. Patricks day #thisis26
When I woke up today i said I will NOT sleep with her. This morning I did the walk of shame into work wearing the same clothes... How was your Monday?
its a comptetion of fuckups and im HERE TO WIN
Gotta say, self-deprecating Lord of the Rings-themed sex jokes were not on my agenda for today.
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