my sister just canceled her nose job because she thought it would hurt too much
It'll hurt less than being alone
It's like a choose-your-own-adventure. But the adventure is already chosen for you. And it sucks.
I keep getting texted pictures of my husband with other men. I can't figure out if he wants a divorce or a threesome?
I found a wheel chair. there is now a high chance im going to be fired from this job
I love you, but you should know I'll always ditch you for weed.
It's 2:30 on a Friday afternoon. It's snowing and must be about 20 degrees outside. I'm sitting in this class with 300 people using up every ounce of energy and willpower not to puke all over the girl in front of me. This has got to stop.
Why is everyone else growing up when I'm just crying, eating, and having pregnancy scares?
i'm about to be the still-drunkest person on the ellipticals
And THIS is why we get drunk. No good story, documentation, or event happens by eating a salad. Alcohol consumption leads to good things
I may or may not have puked in the ladies room. Now I get to convince my client to go to substance abuse treatment. Oh, the irony.
I need vodka mixed w a bit of holy water right now
Mmm. Champagne. Weed. 17 pounds of animal crackers.
I've never known a porn star before
There's not even an emoji for this
My niece I'm babysitting left earlier to stay the night with her friend. I got ditched by an 8 year old.
I knew the bike rally would be fun when I saw "male pole dancing" on the schedule
Randomize
