A joint and a Nerds Rope = breakfast of champions for the unemployed
just saw my sister at the strip club... dont think she's "taking a night class over the summer"
I showered today. Officially upgrading myself to useless.
If my body was a temple, I pissed all over the front stairs last night..
I just peed on my pajamas. Its gonna be a long night. Don't forget the cookies.
Found her in the closet eating mayo out of the jar with a knife
Somewhere between the 2 hours of sex and her urgently rushing to work she manged to steal all $329.33 in my jeans. Worst one night stand ever, she even took the pennies.
I know I said I wouldn't, but he told me I looked like Mila Kunis. Reasons not to fuck him, go.
I have a cut on my head from a tambourine.
I'm supposed to be studying for finals but all I can think about is blowing him on a sea doo this summer
Wrote my name backwards on the test and asked for extra credit points. Late start booze days are my new favorite thing.
More cowboy butts than you can shake a stick at, oh joy.
Idk dude but he said something bout his "dick was gonna be so tan" then he jus jumped out of the car
I think you just described to us the most perfect drunken fairy tale that has somehow never been written
Pandora played an ad for a free trial for an abortion pill if you’ve had unprotected sex in the last 2-3 days and then Lucky came on... I literally am dying laughing
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