Boner jamz table deep. plus bar deep. wiing waing.
That guy youre talking to looks like Brian from Family Guy.
She had a little wicker basket of condoms by her bed. Disturbing yet convenient.
it's sad when i round the corner and the dog goes directly for the liquor store
Remember that crazy chick I've been ignoring and said I wouldn't bang her again? Can we start that again part today?
Just once, I'd like to hook up with a girl that doesn't look like she's having a near-fatal seizure when I give her an orgasm.
Will do. If it all falls thru I'm just gonna set up a sprinkler in my back yard and run thru it while taking jello shots. Perfect alternative to my 29th bday.
on a brighter note, the cop thought i could kick adams ass if it came down to that and said he had $20 on me if it ever happens
Can't decide if it was more awkward buying sheets together or disposing of them afterwards
I need you to ship me a penis cookie care package.
Leave it to me to pull up my boyfriend’s grandfather’s obituary just to find out the name of his sister.
just so it's not awkward when you get here, you and my dog have the same name.
Hahaha nice
The fact that a spice girls song is stuck in my head is a great sign that my decisions aren't the right ones at the moment...
Will exercising make me less horny?
We played wedding bingo. I made out with the maid of honor and fucked one of the bride’s sorority sisters. But I needed to get with the groom’s cousin, a mother-in-law to be, or the wedding planner to win and I came up short.
Randomize
