okay, this is the fifth time he asked if it was in yet. maybe i shouldn't have dated a blind guy.
I kept calling his name while we were having sex cuz i was so proud that i remembered it.
the cop then proceeds to point out the "proud parent of a dare graduate" bumper sticker and say well i guess it's time to take that off
Just found my DARE notebook from 6th grade. Extacy was starred and highlighted.
At least I've made one childhood dream come true
It doesn't count as drinking alone if you're making rum cake with it.
Finally put clothes on I've been laying naked in the bed for approximately 4 hours since I showered and by showered I mean when I laid down in the bathtub with the shower on
can you please explain how one drink turns into 5 street signs with their poles lying around my room
The last mom I slept with was the worst lay ever. Imagine fucking a hairy wet pillow for 60 minutes. Good luck with your milf. I was joking about the Susan Boyle comment btw.
Stop treating my vagina like a slapchop.
Just pulled a muscle trying to take a naked pic. I think it's time to start working out again.
I feel like he better crank it up to level RG IV tomorrow. It's the fucking playoffs.
I woke up with my panties in the cat food dish, and everything covered in honey and bruises.
The contents of my fridge consist of alcohol, Nuva ring, and cheesecake. I'm that girl.
I woke up just like any other Wednesday. Naked on the floor, hungover and covered head to toe in lube
I'd call the fact I ended up in my own bed a huge success
Randomize
