i either bought an eighteen year old girl or i'm engaged to her... i'm not quite sure
I looked her in the eye and told her I was 'balls deep' in love with her...She said that wasn't saying much. Time to drink away the sadness...
He told me I couldn't drink an unopened bottle of water he had in his room because that was his emergency bong water
Just made macaroni burritos. Fukkin awesome. We'll have to try this when I'm sober.,!
Did I mention I should never take 5 Xanax and drink?
I sort of figured that out when I found you sitting on the roof of your house saying we could get in through the skylight while I called the locksmith.
Michelle asked what I was wearing tonight. I responded with a g-string and plastic wrap. I've gotten no response since.
I just kept screaming "I'm fucking a preacher's son!" Also, this water tastes like weed.
I was screaming out for people to gather the townsmen and the mayor so we could hang him
True. So did you hook up with pasta or the ultimate warrior
Little bit of both
This is the third time my roommate and I have drunkenly hooked up. I'm starting to think she's not as straight as she says she is.
I hope you have irresponsible drunk insurance because you're about to pay a deductible
Well, let's just say, I got that eye patch like we were joking about
The guy next to me on the bus has one hole in his jeans that has over 20 mini dicks drawn on his leg. Classic.
Things could not have gone more poorly if I had stripped naked and run through the Sahara with sirloins tied to my vagina.
I'm so hungry and so lazy that I'm seriously considering ripping into that packet of cream cheese in my nightstand.
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