well that was a long night...
dude, you were pretty messed up... what happened?
no idea... but i still woke up with my pirate hat on
I'm stoned and have been watching so many cartoons that I changed the channel and real people were on, and it scared me
the homeless guy was waiting for me this morning. this is the closest to a boyfriend ive had in years.
hey, do you know how many packets of jello it takes to turn a handle of vodka into slutty girls?
My dick was out way too much saturday not to get laid
thanks for paying me in special brownies...but brownies dont pay the rent...anymore.
You're in a tuxedo, you can pee wherever you want.
She told me I made the cut, and to write my name and number on the white board by the door. I was the 7th number down.
I knew us throwing ourselves at him back in the day would pay off. I'm gonna b a divorcees rebound. Score!
I peppersprayed myself last night. Sigh.
Just gave candy to a strange child. Not my best move.
Do you remember peeing in the sink while I was throwing up?
No ma'am, I do not. I found a video of us trying to do a trust fall though. Emphasis on the trying.
People were wondering why I started hanging out with him after high school, the simple answer is now that I don't see his dorky ness everyday I can just focus on his amazing penis.
is 250 jello shots considered an open container?
It’s a good thing I’m the only one in the office today. My boy toy stopped by and now there is jiz all over my desk and couch
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