i was rollin on her like bob the builder
Just farted in public and tried to sniff it all up before anyone noticed...do you think that actually works?
nothing like a negative hiv test and a bag of condoms to brighten my day.
I have this strange craving to see a really fat person go down a slipnslide
Just a heads up: The party is Fourth of July themed. Spread the word
dude its may
Work with me here, man.
I wore sweatpants. When I show up to a booty call in sweatpants there's your warning
Dude true life I died at the derby...I lost everyone I knew, went down a bourbon and mud slip and slide, lost my hat, fell off the roof of a porta potty, sprained my ankle and knee and then got arrested.
This is what happens when you leave: I get all vulnerable and I make out with the cowboy to shut him up about Jesus.
I just noticed that pic of your cock has a Christmas tree in the background. It's July.
Now I just sit back and wait to give ass birth to pure evil.
I'm abstinent now
Oh, is this one of the times when you're serious?
someone snapchatted me a porn of two guys dressed up as pterodactyls double teaming a girl
I was thinking we could get together and exchange gifts, and by gifts I mean orgasms.
One of my pillows is missing but it's cool because there is a beef stick.
wtf guys I thought we agreed on no more knives. So much for not destroying the house
Randomize
