so the chest pain/shortness of breath/overdose guy we just took to tm hospital is now running down market street from the police in a gown holding his iv.
oh and i feel obligated to inform you that there will be no sexin' because it's 'lady time' for me. so this ain't a booty call.
dude, i woke up naked in her front yard...apparently i tried to leave in the middle of the night, forgot my clothes and decided,"oh heres a nice patch of grass to sleep on" I think god is up there laughing at me.
I'm having a terrible night. Can I sleep over?
Too tired to pretend that I care : (
hot ketchup is not a substitute for marinara
I think when she wakes up, she'll either kill me, or laugh. I hope she laughs.
your dad made us margaritas and breakfast on the morning. I think it's safe to say he relives his glory days through us
I'm watching intervention which is getting me psyched for your birthday. Is that wrong?
Two word: claymation porn. Think about it.
I don't think I can ever express my appreciation for the things you text me.
So I hear you're taking over showing your penis responsibilities now that I'm gone?
Are you sure you didn't shit in my back yard?
easter 2014 is on 4/20 THIS IS NOT A DRILL YOUR FAMILY WILL EXPECT YOU TO BE HOME AND SOBER I REPEAT THIS IS NOT A DRILL
I want to respect them as people, but really I just want to have sex with them.
She squirted. We were both surprised. I'm that good.
on one hand I spent like $120 last night..on the other that was the best sex of my life
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