Is it awkward that I've slept with every guy in this room?
Only if they know about it too.
The guy at McDonald's just told us there is no flash photography allowed.
Slugs feel like vagina... thought you would want to know
Saw an eatery called Rusty Taco. That sooo could be me.
remember the used condom we threw behind my bed? my mom found it and is accusing me and making a big deal out of it,
Haha! You pissed me off, so I actually told her to go look behind your bed. Good thing I moved to Nevada, so your dad can't kick my ass. Good luck bitch.
she tossed me in the back of the car and said "god gave u the gift of life and I wanna swallow it"
Just saw a woman in a hospital gown with a Steelers jersey on top smoking a cigarette while hooked up to an IV outside of the hospital. I love Pittsburgh.
I found a fried uncrustable on the table from last night.
I just melted my phone trying to make cookies. I think that's a sign.
we got kicked out of McDonald's because you kept screaming THAT SHIT CRAY at the woman in front of us because she ordered a fish filet.
...that shit cray.
he sent me a pic of his dick and balls out with sunglasses over them like a face. i was at dinner.
do you still have it? i kinda want to see.
Weird come down, just saw a woman on the train go to grab something and realised she had terrifying hands. They literally filled me with dread. I don't think I'm ok.
How's the hangover?
I've been begging my dog to mercy kill me for over an hour. He has this look like he might do it, you know, as my best friend should.
I can't believe I haven't fucked an Elvis impersonator yet.
never let me tell the bartender to cut me off, i basically told on myself
Randomize
