I asked what she wanted from Hawaii. She said a baby like Aaden from JK 8.
where am I supposed to find one of those?
New realization: eye makeup remover takes sharpie off boobs
If Andre Agassi did Crystal Meth, what was John McEnroe doing?
Wake and baked to watch the boston marathon. God I love massachusetts
First date: that requires underwear, huh?
OH MY GOD. JESUS STRIPPER. THERE IS A JESUS STRIPPER HERE. A STRIPPER DRESSED AS JESUS.
I am not apologizing for rubbing my balls on your leg...that is a risk you take when you come out to the bar with me
the water pistols in the freezer are full of voddka.
How long have I been using my debit card as a coaster?
I'm spending tomorrow doing taxes and making jello shots. Is this adulthood?
I mostly blame me being such a miserable fuck on the fact that I was born on a Monday.
If body pillows had a built in vibrator attached I would literally never need a boyfriend again
I just slammed a bottle of white wine before I came to Whole Foods so basically I'm just training to be a middle aged white woman.
last night is slowly putting itself back together. Its one giant slutty puzzle, all the pieces are covered in tequila and shame.
Met this british guy. Played pool. Broke into an apartment and had sex
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