I guess the cop knew i was on a walk of shame and felt bad...i got to play with the siren the rest of the way home
Saying he's good in bed would be like saying Soulja Boy is a good rapper, completely unlogical if you've heard him.
I only keep her as my best friend so she wont hook up with my ex.
He said my labia gave my vagina a "cute personality"
He woke up in the ambulance thinking he was still in the club.
She was really fucking loud. My neighbors definetly knew my name...
my goal was to make out with as many people dressed as batman as possible. I have my priorities.
i think we should start 2012 by becoming clean and sober for awhile and buckle down
ppsyche im wasted where are you
I will not remember tonight for the most part. This text will be evidence. You can and probably will use this against me.
You tripped over nothing.. everyone stopped what they were doing and stared..you stood up and yelled "you win this time gravity"..then started chugging someone's drink
I think your dad took our porno
Best part about a crippling state-wide drought? Actually having a valid excuse for not showering
Just licked cheese from my hot pocket off my phone. I spilled because I was eating a Popsicle at the same time. Send an adult please
I should get him a card "thanks for letting me use you for your penis on and off as I see fit and for being a nice guy. My boobs and I appreciate your loyalty and dedication"
I woke up with my winter coat on, next to a polaroid of me, her and a swan...so no I don't remember our conversation.
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