i really did not know you could catch crabs from a sofa until now
they arrested me when i was peaking, i'm pretty sure they were specifically looking for me but i was too busy rolling around, loving the grass to notice the police car..
I'm thinking about wearing a strap-on just to freak him out the next time he pulls my pants off.
I just call them the hipster frat because they wear shirts other than pastel polos and listen to MGMT while playing dice.
My attorney has my name in her roldex as need to hit that. Im gonna win my case
i just deleted him from my phone. and yes... I did just text you this from less than 20 feet away.
I'm not judging.. I sure as hell am not getting out of my bed to come talk to you about this. but i support your decision
Ask him to get me chedder bratwurst instead of the molly
Unless if you guys already left. Then I want the molly
Sorry for face planting onto the table with all our alcohol on it
I'm making mistakes. Coming up with girl now
I hate me. That girl was hiiiiideous.
Take home message: SPERM IS EVIL AND SHOULD NEVER EVER EVER BE ALLOWED UP ONE'S NOSE.
He was telling me about how he's leaving on his Mission next week... While we were having sex in the back of his car.
I gave my girlfriend a ring to celebrate our anniversary, she thought It was an engagement ring. Now im getting married and I don't know what to do.
i ate her out in full view of all her roomates. the word awkward doesnt even cover it.
I wish I had a tail.
Why?
...why not?
My roommate just woke up to me masturbating in our room. I figured this would happen eventually.
Randomize
