Do you think Tom Brady went home tonight and changed his facebook status to "pink with lace"?
i had to take my roommates dildo out of her suitcase so I could use it
the suitcase or the dildo?
you refused to leave the drive-thru at mcdonalds until the cashier took a jello shot
drinking out of a sandbucket again
It was the third Sunday in a row that I woke up in his bathtub. So no our sex life isn't that great anymore.
Well yea but it's the principle of the thing.. The fact that he could actually BE your daddy
That girl that gave me a blowjob, I think I fired her last year.
The key to alley sex is drunkeness.
you really cant fit homeless dj into your budget? doubles as charity
Coming to you live from the floor of my office..
I was mid-sentence and you stopped me and said, "Yeah.. for my vaginas sake, I'm gonna need you to stop talking right now."
You know you're doing college wrong when you have to bail your RA out of jail
You pretended to be Borat in that weird slingshot bathing suit and then proceeded to send another dick pic/nude selfie and said you weren't naked because you were wearing a hat.
He offered me my choice of the Abe Lincoln or Ben Franklin dick pic.
Pray for me. I just had a sex dream about Debbie Wasserman-Schultz.
Randomize
