I have said "that's the wrong hole" for the last time.
The last thing I remember is yelling "ill handle this" while wearing a lion suit and holding a jug of vodka when the RAs came
You were throwing ham at people telling them you were the sandwhich fairy
Pretty sure I tied my shoes laces together to keep myself from driving drunk. Fell like six times. Keep forgetting
Woke up laying in the kitchen floor with a cup in one hand and the beer tap in the other. Guess I just needed that one last beer.
Just got tipped $5 for distracting some dude's gf while he got another girl's number. Bro-code at its finest.
I'm not sure how appropriate a drug deal is while at a wake.
Did you really just call a picture of your erect penis art?
woke up with empty beer can still duct taped into my fists and the word "dove" written on the back of my neck
You popped the Plan B pill then clapped twice, said "mischief managed" and headed tward the bar.
He said he wanted to sit next to the fountain so he could "watch the water hit the other water".
I pretended to be blind and he pretended to be my assistant and long story short, we had to buy that bra and panty set, and now we're both banned from Victoria's Secret AND I have a cum stained demi cup.
He's nice and all but I think I rather masturbate my way to happiness instead.
He still want's to kick my ass for fucking his sister, probably a bad idea to leave the bar with his ex...
Can I send you a random dick pic? It's got a lightsaber tattoo
Randomize
