Just caused a nice traffic jam while trying to park at Costco. Too high to drive.
we've called him dos banos ever since he threw up in 2 separate bathrooms with the same puke
Can't decide which I like more. Telling a girl she's pregnant or telling her she has herpes. It's the little things that make medicine tolerable.
I misunderstood what a furry was. Come pick me up.
We stared down the barrel of pure insanity, took more and the electric elephant god rewarded our fearlessness by giving me golden skulls and naked women crawling out of the walls. I love acid
By getting lucky do you mean I get one of your incredible BJs or you not killing me by the end of dinner?
That's probably when I climbed a tree and told everyone I was an ornament
I put miralax in my rum/coke. Go hard or go home.
so he's a sleeptalker.
yeah??
"Mitochondria is the powerhouse of the cell" right in my ear. 2 am.
I'm honestly just saving all my liver's power for when I die this weekend. that's how it works right
I'm just hitting the tip of the iceberg on accents for this trip...so basically my panties are done for.
Sitting across the table from one of my high school teachers who hasn't seen me since I was about 16 drinking a beer wearing a leotard
i woke up fully clothed with teenage dream on repeat. something is wrong with me
Convinced if I was being murdered in my house no one would come and save me. If no one heard my 10000000 orgasms last night, there is no hope.
Just let a guy I just met eat me out in a shed at a baby shower. May have sunk to a brand new low
Randomize
