that's just what I need...drunk ass people throwin hatchets in the dark.
The one night I bring a girl home you leave the footloose soundtrack playing.
Just joined the godiva rewards club. Who's the fat friend now.
She just dipped a dollar bill in her queso dip and almost ate it before I slapped it out of her hand, no more bar crawls..
You spilled spaghetti on the floor, and kept telling the noodles to "settle down" as you tried to clean it up
you also choked him out with your legs on the kitchen floor..
Made dad pull of the highway twice on the way home so I could puke. Yeah i'd say we ended the semester well.
I'd be careful with that one, she got 86'd from the family dollar while SOBER.
My roommates call me "Queen of the Skanks" I guess that means I've had a successful first month of college.
So. Somehow managed to fuck my contacts out of my eyes. Didn't know that was even possible.
That was the second worst thing to happen to my asshole.
I have a bottle of vodka wrapped in a leg warmer in my purse. This is what it takes to get through Christmas with my family.
pretty sure I blew his mind with the sex last night. He repaid me with a five minute conversation about power rangers.
The fact that my boss lets me drink on my lunch break makes Mondays much easier.
Blunts beyotch
What? Joints? Blunts?
I'll refer you to my previous text: "Blunts beyotch"
Randomize
