Over it. He probably jacked off to bible verses last night. I don't want that
My family just suggested tequila shots. I had Vietnam style flashbacks.
i love when people i haven't talked to since we fucked write on my wall.
God I love babysitting. They pay me $10 an hour to watch movies and sext
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The fact that its 10am on a gameday and I have yet to shotgun is absurd
Shame should no longer be a word in your vocabulary.
she said she was living bicuriously through me.
She just came home holding a fire hydrant. Yes a fire hydrant.
Well, we won the drunk before noon contest!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Really stoned me is having a very serious, intent conversation with my mom about egg rolls and koolaid flavors.
I'm in the line at Chipotle thinking: "What combo will best prepare my body for the open bar I'm going to subject it to tonight?"
She told me she was the Publishers Clearing House of Dicks. Two dicks a day, everyday for life.
I'm torn between wanting to wear lipstick and wanting to make out with strangers.
Who the fuck hid 3 Zimas under my pillow?! Icing doesn't count when it's 8am the next morning and everyone's left and you've passed out on your couch. Currently chugging 2 of 3...
I love you so much and not just because your dick is perfect
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