did you hook up austin?
No! he threw up in my bathroom, made me wake up and order him jimmy johns, beat my roommate with a macaroni and cheese box, and then passed out with her in her bed
we're taking shots every time my dog licks his penis. we're on number 8 now.
you should have been aborted.
When you're about to leave, tell him "bye." At that point, he should say something. If he doesn't say anything, well, our drinks were free and he gets a free make out with yours truly.
I took chris brown's side in the conversation ... cut to me not getting laid tonight
i think our first tip to leave should have been when we saw the drinks were coming out of a gas can
Well yea but it's the principle of the thing.. The fact that he could actually BE your daddy
At what point did you think the cops were actually coming to hang out with us
You cant hold me accountable for my actions when im high.
all I know is I'm really rwfly really really stoned and a bunch of Korean people are yelling at me
He just tagged everyone he's slept with this year in a 'memories of 2011' tweet
I was wondering why he was in my phone as "Cat Guy", he seemed pretty normal. Then when we woke up he was wearing a shirt with a picture of his cat on it. The name stays.
You are going to come home to a suitcase in the fridge. Just go with it.
Dude, I just hit your nipple with a bottle of lube while you were wearing a shirt, 10 feet away without my glasses and I only have "not bad" aim?
Dude, you got arrested and then texted 911 to tell them you'd been kidnapped with a screenshot of your current location.
So high, just applauded for a magic trick on Hulu.
New low: eating a buttered roll while taking a shit.
This is why we're soulmates.
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