Spring semester is just not the same w/o you
DUDE. I'm missing my big toenail. My bed has blood all over it. WHAT DID WE DO LAST NIGHT?
I don't know, but I chipped my tooth and I'm wearing different underwear.
just found a shoebox labled "emergency smoking box"... it has a lightbulb, 2 potatoes, a dried up flower, and a button that says "stop drop and roll". what did we do last night?!
Her tits were the only thing that upgraded her from "no way in fuck" to "drunken mistake"
It's my diet secret . . . it's like slimfast but I call it cockfast instead.
Just saw a 300lb woman fall down. Shes screaming like a beached manatee. Her 120lb boyfriend is trying to push her up. It's like watching an infant try to bench
His mom always writes on my facebook right after we have sex. it's like she knows. with her scary mom psychic powers
I found out his name. Apparently we sat in the shower together and flooded the bathroom.
Once you mention butt plugs, conversations always take a turn for the worst.
If I'm going to start compromising my butthole it's going to be for much better drugs than a ventolin
He came over and watched the USA game with me, fucked me so good my toe cramped, then made my bed this morning before he left. Thank God for Army rangers
Come get your pancakes and take a nap in my boobs.
she stuffed her marc jacobs purse full of cereal
classy
You're lucky I just like fucking you because you would really suck at being a boyfriend.
A fire alarm is going off in some building, people are running around naked and people are passed out in the MIDDLE of the sidewalk. If they ban parties again, I'm going to be pissed.
Randomize
