in my opinion joe jonas is kinda pointless. hes just the pretty boy front runner.
please stop taking shits in my toilet and leaving them there.
what kind of morning-after breakfast implies 'thanks for the sex, but i'm not gonna call you ever again'?
he said my vag tasted like ravioli n pennies... i forgot I was on my period
You told me you were pretty sure you were god because you knew everything about everyone.
This last weekend single handedly took me off the liver transplant list
I legitimately just tried to piss above my head. I got to my chest at highest. There's piss everywhere.
I tipped the hot bartender my entire wallet. Again.
He's coming over for beer and a movie, but I just don't know if he's interested.
Pathetic and sad. I should come over there and fuck both of you just to get the ball rolling.
I have a surprise for you guys
What is it?
A MOTHER FUCKING SURPRISE DON'T ASK QUESTIONS
My pants are like a grocery bag containing ONLY jelly beans right now.
Yes I did. Thanks. I was actually an hour and half early. I'm better at public transport than I thought. Guy behind me on the bus is also crying. We compared cry-snot. It was nice in a weird sad way.
he was like "can i get a kiss" and i was like "can i get a taco"
I need to go home for the safety of everyone in a 10 mile radius, especially me
I threw up all of my purple drank and thats really important
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