just once id like to meet someone on craigslist who isnt fat
the facebook you made of my ass has 10 times more friends than i do.
not to mention it took an hour of antique roadshow to calm my dick down
She wore that goddamn strap-on all night. When she was playing guitar hero it kept getting in the way but she just wouldn't take it off.
We made a bet that we had to talk like Yoda all night at the bars
Just me. You're probably having sex with her right now, so here's a reminder that you should be thinking of me per our agreement.
Well. No wine. And no real mixers. I'm using vodka and grape juice and calling it Slurrrlot. Happy Holidays bitch.
Haha. Fifty shades ain't got shit on me. My tits look like they got in a fight.
I want you to get your positive energy all over me. I want to to look like something from Ghostbusters.
Drunk enough that you donated $50 to taco bell, because they serve a great purpose.
If this were a real emergency kilted men wielding claymores and riding giant badgers would hve rescued said Guinness. So clearly this is just a hypothetical
you can't just say no to brian. he was bugging me to get me to drunk for 14 hours straight yesterday. HE DOESN'T GIVE UP
She couldn't find her toothbrush so I had to wait while she sucked on the 12 peppermints she found under the couch. Pretty resourceful for her level of intoxication.
You did what with his pubic hair?
We're sitting on the kitchen floor drinking and talking about mounting real light sabers to the dog's head.
Randomize
