im at a bar with my dad last night and he got hit on more that I did
when a 14 year old is judging you, you know you've had too much to drink
you know you made it when your beer pong table is made from imported italian hardwood
No you can't have a vodka redbull. The pilgrims didn't have vodka redbull.
I don't think we had sex because when I woke up he was still wearing the chicken suit.
My ex was there, the 2 girls I'm seeing showed up and I had a pocket full of VIP passes 2 the strip club. Had all the makings of an epic night but I fell asleep at the bar.
I yelled out look at all those hickeys. And then gave her boyfriend a high five
because i know somewhere at some party, behind someones closed bed room door youre being feed a key full of mollie.
I can't tell if the dead thing in the yard is a deer or the guy I slept with last night...
Thank you. Next to bondage, soft American Apparel t-shirts are the best things you've taught me about.
i just found a red feather stuck to my penis and i really wanted to send you a picture but too much
I should probably drink beer instead of rum today so I don't end up naked in my living room while I still have guest.
If I die, sorry about rent.
I feel like a dancer trapped in the body of a math instructor. Love, Mom
It wasn't my fault.
You let her suck your neck. Yes it was your fault.
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