nothing tight i'm going to stuff myself with food and alchy
That's why you don't touch shit after fingering somebone
I woke up naked this morning and I found out that I thought I was Adam last night and Eve was my wife so I ran naked saying I was in the Garden of Eden and I could shit wherever I wanted.....too bad the garden was in my friends apt.......I spent the morning cleaning and have reached a new low
apparently, it's not a good idea to make jokes about sending newborns through airport security xrays. the moms dont see the humor.
But why'd she put it on the conveyor then?
I can't get away from Pickles they're either stuck in me, in my mouth, or I'm stuck in one. fuck my whole entire life.
Roommate is high and swore off off the diet. Said she wants to make everyone else fat since it'd be easier. She spent today baking 3 dozen brownies for the office tomorrow and is already down to 24.
He has an intense fear that my cat will attack his balls while we're fucking
I told her my hands were paint brushes and her vagina was my canvas
I feel like I should be doing a victory lap around my house to the rocky music, or zapping and smiting people with my mystic wizard powers
So do you remember the bartender that caught me when I fell off the bar 4 weeks ago? He hasn't been to work since...Woops.
I'm trying to be all porn star and he's making it all The Notebook
i love it when bitches who pick on you in high school get fat. thank you facebook you have made my day.
I'm sorry but it's something you and your A cups wouldn't understand.
It was like if the scent of sour milk and burning tires had a baby in taste form.
Sorry. I was preoccupied thinking about penises
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