dude. you ripped the mardi gras beads off the girls neck and yelled she didnt deserve them..
We should tie ourselves together anytime there is any type of alcohol involved. It's the safest way. I either end up with freshmen or weird ex bfs. You end up with a large cowboy. This is not good for us
He said in a slur "I go so hard, even when I..." and cut himself off by projectile vomiting all over the ice luge.
Just found out drinking 6 trays of random shots makes me wake up on a club toilet with my underwear and jeans around my ankles
I meant to thank you again for giving up a potential interracial threesome to come to my party. I'm glad you stayed!
Well. I have your keys. You have my car. Looks like we have a drunkxican standoff.
Also just throwing this out there I don't think anyone who brings another girl back to your bed to share with you can qualify as a frigid bitch
Listen, dont tell me about your day or that your mom is in town. Don't ask me to drive you to the airport or proofread your paper. Text me when and only when you have a boner. Oh and take your pants off and leave your front door unlocked because I'm coming over.
He told me I have nice nipples. You can't just tell someone that and then leave the state!
I basically gave Miranda rights to the guy I hooked up with, jus so we were all clear what was happening
Dude the little bong I just got fits nicely in the cup holder in my car. The gods approve of my habits.
im buying my prof a giftcard to the state store bc he talked ab crying into a glass of tequila so he deserves it
There is a woman in the stall next to me giving a pep talk to her daughter that wants to call off her wedding. I'm afraid to pee!
Dude, I'm sorry if you saw me getting head in my truck last night. My bad.
I gave her the last ten dollars to my name and bitch comes back with a six pack of bud light and a pack of sour patch kids
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