I just woke up and i'm wearing a cape and it says sup slut on my ass
I don't want to talk about it. He was like the Little Engine that couldn't get me off.
I'm beginning to think I'm sterile because I definitely should be pregnant by now.
This girl just introduced herself as Queefer Sutherland. She's on a roller derby team. What. The. Fuck.
I think ill wear my dads dashiki but make it sluttier. We shall see
i'll probably be on drugs forewarning
forewarning i'll probably have done those drugs with you
He asked me what I wanted the cake to say and I then asked him if "I'm sorry for throwing up in your bed last night" was too long. He said it was...
We could make it cute. Like "oh those two cute lesbians who are about five foot two who sell the cocaine down the street. You know the ones? With the Yorkies?"
Just had a VERY VIVID visualization of wrapping a pizza around my cock and fucking its brains out. Soooooo less weed more dates?
DIBS ON THE NEW GUY.
NO. NO FUCKING YOUR COWORKERS
You gave your one night stand my number. I told him you left for your sex change an hour ago.
We both fell asleep mid-handjob and he continued to call it "handjob halftime".
I am sitting in my lingerie, eating frozen cookie dough out of a bowl, and watching family. My hump day is going great
The body is still out there. I don't think my trainer realized when he asked me not to drink for 24 days, how often I see dead people
Nothing like ripping open the box with your keys on a sat R train and throwing back the morning after pill with some coconut water on my way to work at a fitness studio for free
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