Just ran to the store on my way to the office to buy Diet Coke...the guy in front of me let me cut because it was 4 more minutes until 8am, so he wouldn't be able to purchase his vodka. I love Wisconsin
i cant believe i hit a parked car with a pink dildo in my mouth... fuckin epic
It was like a little tadpole swimming in the big ocean.
I feel like you just avenged me for every guy who came in my hair
Dude i just want you to know that when i found you half your mustache was already gone. I didn't do it.
I learned an important lesson last night: Jameson giveth, but Jameson also taketh away.
Cruelly.
picked up a girl by parallel parking. i love this town already.
Does your throat ever get sore from being choked too hard or do u think I'm just getting sick??
Just think, this time last Cinco de Mayo you were holding me up and finding me passed out in the yard of that house.
I'm in a dress, surrounded by Republicans, and the bartender just told me he's "out of Jack Daniels" in a very accusatory tone. Shit, is it only 8 PM?
Talking to him sober hurts my brain
There's a super pregnant woman here complaining about back pain. I better not see a live birth in the hair care aisle
Im going to hell I gave him a handjob on the plane next, to an old guy playing video games on his iPad, on good friday.
Who knew she had talents apart from chugging wine spritzers
I'm on a party bus with a stripper pole with middle aged women who have all started drinking
God bless your soul.
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