The next morning she woke up and asked who I was and where she was.
Nicole vs. Life
So tell me more about the cum that came out of your nose
I just Organized my jello shots by their colors in my mini fridge for the rest of the week. I'm going places in life.
she asked me what the final straw was. i had to tell her i caught him jerking off to digimon porn. i don't know what i'm more upset by, that he was masturbating to cartoons, or that he was masturbating to sub-par cartoons
2nd night home for break and we had to call the fire department to keep the house from burning down. At this rate I'll be lucky to see you next semester.
My mom woke me up in a bubble bath this morning.
Hey if there is a better reason to go drink then "I've been fucking robbed!" I have yet to hear one. Also, I've been fucking robbed.
Can I bring home a duck? Dead serious
Had the longest conversation today with a potentially homeless cuban woman about mind control.
nothing says "functioning mature adult" like sneaking beer out of your mom's fridge in a lunchbox
I just ASL-ed someone for the first time since 2002.
I feel like passing out with my foot on your face has bonded us at a very fundamental level.
Mixing coffee with vodka may have been a bad choice, I feel like I'm pregnant and the baby is trying to perform a c-section from the inside.
He told me he was my brother roommate in college after we fucked, but already knew that so I had pretend I didn't know that.. like how I pretended I finished. 2/10
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