your room smells of hookers.
And success
im sitting at a bagel shop wearing a princess crown hungover and have a sweater that is not mine.
I found them in the kitchen microwaving bottle rockets chanting U.S.A U.S.A U.S.A
Okay wait let me power puke and then we can go dancing
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My blowjobs put them in a state of relaxation similar to that of getting hit with a tranquilizer. The fear comes after the sex.
Seriously, I want to give you a plaque thanking you for your dedicated service to my vagina.
I feel a whole lot better than i did this morning at 3 when one of my roommates discovered me slightly aware of my surroundings and naked in the bath tub with the shower on
maby next time we don't finish the whole box wine just because it tastes like shit
So, my ex just showed me the drunk voicemail we left him last night. Started out with me saying "I think it's Shane." Then you took my phone and started singing a song about peanut butter, train tracks, and tequila. I joined in. On the upside, he said he's totally fine with being on the drunk dial list from now on. Soooo, another tequila night??
You'd love her. She's outspoken like us. And appreciates a big penis and a strong drink.
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I think my dove chocolate wrapper just told me to masturbate.
She has the best kind of daddy issues
I can hear the pillow talk now, "how many condoms did you bring? Good, put them all on,"
Do we have to do this party tonight? I'm worried my bed will miss me...
You can't go around chasing people and screaming JUST LET ME LOVE YOU. We're in a public place.
There is a dude with blue hair and a samurai sword and another dude dressed as Dead Pool. I daresay standard social conventions are not applicable in this environment.
How does it make you feel that I can't control my vagina around you?
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