I thought she was going to get passionate and throw her on the bed and fuck her, but she just started breaking stuff.
That's the thing about women.
He asked about stds. I told him I don't have any... which I don't. They are now called sti's. Whooopsie
I don't think a check that has "thx for the drugs" on the note is really gonna fly.
Rolling one last joint on my Psych textbook before trading it in. I might actually cry.
Jason and steven are boiling shrimp in the microwave again
well you decided to make everyone "drinks" which was sprite and beer mixed.
You called me at 4am shouting drunk shit about Poland and asking me to 'come out and play.' Where the fuck were you?
Poland
AND BY FEELINGS I MEAN VODKA
well this is gonna sound really bad but we were fooling around on sandra's electrical wheelchair
The bartender just legitimately thanked me for breaking the cycle of speed metal by playing mmmbop.
i don't think that has ever happened before in the history of man
One door closes, one man cooks for you through the next open door
I felt like I should've driven him home but I was holding in a fart and just needed him to leave
MY MOM WALKED IN WHILE I WAS EATING THEM OUT AND STARTED ASKING US ABOUT THE PROJECT RUNWAY EPISODE WE WERE WATCHING EARLIER
We should form a club for all of us that have stabbed a sibling with a fork!
I ate at the cafeteria for the first time yesterday and today I think I had an hour long fart.
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