i should go to a nude beach and wear just a condom, then ill have tan lines on my dick
So I went into my gym pretty wasted and asked the trainer guy if i could order a cock meat sandwich. Needless to say, I'm canceling my membership tomorrow.
i told him i was gay. he said that gay guys are supposed to be pretty.
before i die, we are going to oregon and playing oregon trails for real. like putting things in a hat & people will pull out whether they live or die. and they die of fun things like typhoid, dysentary, or hunting accident.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i wish i could just chop off my fat with a knife..i would rather endure that than work out
u know what's depressing? a picture of an owl without a graduation cap
You were so hammed, you asked your buddy in Economics to plot a demand curve for Parmesan Cheese.
in mid cry she says "I can be a whore if I want to"
No i peed with you in the toilet. The guy I high fived was mid pee in front of the urinal
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We would have taken you home with us, but you were outside the bar measuring a randoms stream of piss by walking along side it... you said you were only at 32 feet and it still had a couple of grooves to hit.
Kripsy Kremes at our place, bring your own coffee. And your own donuts because these ones are ours.
Jusy read on a science page that squeezing boobs can prevent cancer cells from forming in them, youre welcome.
You know you've got awesome issues when the main deciding factor of whether or not to cut your nails depends on nacho consumption in the near future
So I heard her yell at him and I went downstairs to find he had lit up each one of my smokes and taken just one drag off each and had em lined up on the table. She says he "experiments" when on Ambien.
On the way to have sex with my ex's roommate... I have hit a new low
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