Dude, don't freak out but the girl who stuck the hair brush in her ass is here. I can't look her in the eye!!
im at planned parenthood. the form wants to know what our usual form of contraception is?
anal.
I seriously think I have a tan line on my stomach from getting a boner while in the taning bed.
I'm concerned you might be passed out on a random rooftop right now. Not concerned enough to do anything about it. Hope you're alive. Goodnight.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I caught him trying to shit in her bed. I asked him why he was doing it and he said "because it's wrong."
His penis smells like laundry I just wanted to cuddle it
.......The other day I peed on him in the shower....he was trying to touch my boobs and I wanted my space.
I'm already too high to be publicly presentable. I just looked at myself in the mirror without my sunglasses. Debated contacts. Said aloud "But I'm nothing without my sunglasses."
Found an old burrito under my bed
You are a sick fuck
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
As yoda would say; A bitch, she is.
I've gotten 2 singers numbers, a 6'5 dude has promised to take me to Oktoberfest, and I spent the night w a pilot named Zeus who looks like caramel tastes. Also I sprained my thumb punching some guy I named 'hater'. I love Nashville
Just ate an entire BBQ chicken pizza this better go to my tits
Tolerating him while I'm not drunk is like trying to find a word that rhymes with orange
I'll just give him your contact info, and you'll somehow manage to get laid. Which will make me feel like your vagina's agent or something.
Two days ago a random guy asked me to sign his forehead 'cause he wanted to have the name of the prettiest girl in the bar on him and never wash it. I just saw him and my signature still there...
Randomize