Im listening to a jazz version of dick in a box.
rhymes with "ouble enetration"
it was like weight watchers had a halloween party.
He started yelling "fuck the environment" then puked all over the baby trees
If i apologize for punching you in the liver repeatedly will you explain where the grass stains on my shoulders came from?
Just saw a woman in a hospital gown with a Steelers jersey on top smoking a cigarette while hooked up to an IV outside of the hospital. I love Pittsburgh.
He probably thinks you're playing hard to get.
Hard to get?? I'm playing leave me the fuck alone.
When she asked why I felt bad I said that it may have had something to do with the gin and cold pizza I had for breakfast.... And then I reflected on what my life has become.
It's after midnight. I didn't find the answer to my problem, but I did find the bottom of a bottle of vodka, so... there's that.
I'm going to avoid eye contact because my old high school English teacher is not who I feel like seeing after I just had a dick in my mouth
How about we just have a naked taco night instead?
I mean it's up to you where you want to sleep but I'm telling you you're going to hear us have sex no matter what room you're in.
Fair enough
my underwear is inside out , I have a giant hickie. I'm wearing last nights makeup. this is going to be the best day at work ever
We are gonna play a game I like to call what the fuck is in my pocket
We need a kiddie pool and lots of cornstarch
Randomize
