This is the first month I have not taken plan B to get my period in over a year
And somehow that makes me sad knowing I haven't had raunchy unprotected sex in a month
Being pregnant is so damn inconvenient for my sex life.
Do NOT cum in me, on me, or in my bed.
I Just realized that having a picture folder that says "not for mom" may give off the wrong impression to wondering eyes
I hope whoever gets these locks of love doesn't have a drug test anytime soon
It was 5 a.m. and we found him making margaritas with nyquil...
You're surprisingly coherent for someone who thinks her couch is breathing.
Today I met the neighbor that shares my bedroom wall. When I pointed out my unit, he said, "Oh, that's you? Oh... that's you." I didn't think much of it until I was in bed tonight and I heard him clear his throat. He's. Heard. Everything.
Stripper pole. Sore legs. More vaca money.
My last google search of the night was "Things that cost $102.50"
You kept saying you we're gonna puke and wanted to steal my pants
That does not explain the remnants of a small fire in my bathtub.
Last thing I remember is whiskey shots. My roommate tells me we were there 15min before I decided to run home naked. And we live across from a police station.
Nothing like the judgmental looks you get in the bathroom when you still have last night's glowsticks on
She's licking the vodka she spilled off the desk
Aaaaand now she's drinking it out of the shot glass like a cat
Double-fisting ice cream and wine. Do not send help.
Randomize
