Considering the face that your still in jail Im gunna go with no.
miscarriage! now THATS a gift from god.
The beer is more important than you right now.
I've never seen so many strippers at a funeral...
You flooded my bathroom while trying to construct a hot tub. All three of you were completely naked.
I found the bottle of ketchup and sobe you tried to hide in the middle of the lawn last night
Hey, I shot that toilet dead center, drunk, from at least 6 ft away. I'm a fuckin awesome shot. You guys were completely safe.
Yes, that toilet won't be hurting anyone anymore.... Hahaha
I literally got so drunk last night, I texted myself "porpoises" and that was it. I have no recollection of this.
i just found my fake in the snow. LIFE IS AWESOME
Thanks for bringing that stuff to help me feel better...you know, the water, the Gatorade, and the dick. You really are the best friend ever.
My mom is coming to visit today & it's giving me anxiety. I feel like she can see through me & into the whore I've become.
she's always on high-alert for lesbians
You should probably come home from vacation now. I make badddd decisions when you're gone.
u ever get horny for food. i ordered a bunch of crepes and its doin it 4 me
My vagina! What have you done to it?
Blessed it my child.
Randomize
