Can't talk. I'm at the Tulsa Sheriff's office with a bunch of rednecks. I bet I'm the only one that voted for Obama.
I bet you're the only one who could read the ballott.
Flirting with the rich sleazy owner of the club: 1 way ticket to free sushi, drinks, and VIP passes. FUck! im better with older men than i am with babies and dogs
What'd you guys eat?
Literally everything that was frozen.
Do you think the guy at the front desk was watching us last night? Although we were in a public pool, therefore our tits were free game.
In the middle of getting a blow job, she looked up at me and said "this isn't the first time I've done this today"
Claiming territory at this party means signing a girls ass...I've got dibs on a blonde
Dude when we asked him where he lived all he could tell us was "by the slurpees." That fucked up.
BTW send me your address and size of condoms you wish your lover was-- "if you build it, they will come"
You know you're a fat kid when you've spent half the day having a twitter conversation with Pizza Hut.
Apparently I yelled "Spring Break 1984" at a drunk couple fighting on the side of the road.
I need to start using my boobs for good instead of weed. Although really they're kind of the same thing
honestly performing my own hysterectomy would hurt less than my cramps right now.
Literally just took 6 shots in the shower..I’ve got this.
You're a problem for me, dick game too good. In the future when I'm with someone I actually wanna to date, now I'm gonna compare.
You know how fear has a smell? Well turns out shame has a smell too. It's Pina colada flavored anal grease.
Randomize
