Why did I cab home last night?
Because you said you were drunk, sad, and someone called you a hooker.
so my daughter wakes me up this morning and i feel like a vibration so im thinking she has my phone..nope my vibrator
somehow we got the entire party to start singing "ill make a man out of you" from mulan. needless to say, that kid had the best keg stand i'd ever seen.
i just got painted green i'm not about to leave for anything
u kept pointing at random guys and making quacking or mooing sounds.
WHAT? When did I ever refer to one of my past hookups as "the rainforest guy"?
Of course he did. He is like the oprah winfrey for vaginas. Always giving that shit away.
So our 'date' consisted of getting drunk off champagne at four and photo-bombing the shit out of tourist's pictures all over the city. Thoughts?
I have no idea. There are 6 asians singing hey soul sister to me right now.
smoked some of that legal weed last night, felt like God himself legit bent me over his knee and spanked my ass. Never again..never.
You pole danced in your parka.
If you find my purse on your yacht please call me - girl you slept with after yacht party
Banged a guy with 2 broken arms once. Top that
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
I'll be naked. By 11. Then arrested. Drunk tank adventures
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