Luol and I just scored with two 40 year old married chicks. They dropped us off on the way to soccer prctic. The kids in the back were confused. Call me.
hey can you give me head? jesse told me that you're really good
who is this?
jesse's little brother
Haha im Trying. This detox stuff tastes nasty. It's bad when the only thing that came to mind when i took the first sip was how good it would be with Vodka
i don't even want to say how many boners i've caused this week
THAT stays in the CAR. And if one fucking person who was NOT in the car brings it up, I will KILL you. Thank you.
..So we should take it off Youtube?
She told me my parents were awesome for leaving me uncircumcised...
It's not even like I care. He was cute 30lbs ago and before he fucked that Michael Jackson look alike.
The guy at the Apple store said the warranty does NOT cover getting cum out of the keyboard. I can't believe I believed you.
What drink are we having for lunch?
just found out that she named her cat after me.
You know I love you. I just don't love your penis.
THERE IS WEED IN MY OVEN. HOW AM I EVER SUPPOSED TO MAKE CHICKEN PARMESAN WITH WEED IN MY OVEN.
Drunk me just left a note for sober me apologizing for all the fucking crumbs in our bed
I saw seagulls fucking earlier today. What have you done with your life recently?
I slapped a guy during sex last night because he moaned the wrong name. Then I remembered I gave him a fake name. Sorry bro.
Randomize
